Walk Barefoot Through Life
A lesson on the importance of being mindful, all the way down to your feet.
I have been thinking a lot about my life recently. It’s a natural time to be, since I have a lot of decisions to make regarding my future. I’m currently in my senior year of undergrad and will be graduating in about half a year’s time. I haven’t determined exactly what I want to do afterwards yet. It’s hard for me to think of the future right now with everything feeling so uncertain.
I decided that instead of spending all my time trying to force myself to think forward, I’d purposefully start looking back. Someone wise once told me, “In order to better understand who you are and where you’re going, you first need to understand where you came from.”
I spent an afternoon thinking and recalling my past, or at least attempting to. I found the activity difficult; not only because I couldn’t remember everything and that frustrated me, but also because a lot of the things I remembered weren’t pleasant. I recalled the hardships and pitfalls I’d faced throughout my life thus far and momentarily became caught up in feeling shameful and regretful because of them. “I did that?” I remember thinking. I remembered times I felt not good enough, times I misspoke, times I felt embarrassed, times I chose the wrong companion. My immediate reaction was to punish myself and my character, thinking I must not be doing something right and that something must be off with the way I’m living my life.
I sat in this state for a little while. Battling with my inner thoughts and trying to make sense of my difficult times. After a few minutes of feeling absolutely terrible for myself, I forced myself to remember and focus on all the gifts and triumphs instead. I remembered times I’d stood up for those in need, times I made my family and friends proud, times I made myself proud. I found that most of these moments occurred right after a hardship.
I began thinking about my time in Australia studying abroad. I arrived there around this time last year, full of hope for a fresh start and space to gain more clarity on my future. While I loved my time getting to explore this beautiful country and overall got what I was looking for, I had a lot of strenuous times with my self-confidence. I had issues in particular with putting myself in hard/uncomfortable situations and for how I handled the circumstances. I decided then to read back through my journal I kept during my trip. The first page I turned to had to do with the pleasures and difficulties of walking barefoot I’d encountered that particular day, which seemed normal since most of my days there I refused to wear shoes.
“Today I decided to go on a silent retreat in Noosa. It was exactly what I needed after the long night I had yesterday. I walked through the national park, probably close to 2 miles, until I found a secluded beach that I had all to myself! I spent the day soaking up the sun and meditating on the cool sand. I chose to not wear shoes for the whole day. This had its ups and downs walking through the woods; I definitely cursed a few times. But I am proud of myself for staying with it and for feeling all the sensations I felt, fully and presently. Nothing beats the sand on these beaches.”
I stopped at that journal entry for a while. I looked over my timeline. I thought about all the different surfaces I’ve walked upon in life, and then something just clicked for me. I decided to build off the journal entry I read and write a new story.
I often think about my feet. I think about the sensation of them on the ground below me, the power in the way they carry me. My feet are strong and tough, with years of experience in walking over many different surfaces. I am almost always barefoot; I don’t like having a boundary between my soles and the soil.
I feel being shoeless is a practice in being more aware of my surroundings. I think the thousands of nerve endings that cover the bottoms of our feet serve as a direct link between our bodies and the environment. I appreciate the attention I pay to the surface below me when I have no barrier. Being one with the Earth has always been something I have cherished. Recently, I have realized my love for being barefoot stretches far beyond my love for the Earth.
One day while I was out walking in Australia, I stubbed my big toe on a sharp rock. The pain was infuriating. After I stubbed my toe, part of me wanted to put back on my shoes. “The terrain is getting rough” I remember thinking, “better compensate before I get a rock stuck in my foot”.
As I was thinking these thoughts, I looked ahead at the white sandy beach that lay just a few minutes walk away. I thought to myself, if I keep my shoes off, I’ll appreciate the sand so much more. It was then I contemplated all the terrains I’ve walked over in my life. I can’t remember them all of course, but I do remember the best ones I’ve ever felt: the evenly-cut, dewy morning grass on the golf course behind my house as a kid, running through the warm muddy puddles that lined the sides of our backyard, stepping out onto the soft cool sands of the beach right at sunset. All these glorious sensations were in my mind’s eye. As I continued walking over the rough terrain, I reminded myself that none of the surfaces I cherish would feel as good as they do without something to compare them to, like my current rocky path.
I know it may be hard to imagine, but I’m learning now to appreciate the challenges of life as opportunities to better appreciate the ease, just like how I decided to walk over the tough rock to get to the soft sand. Not everything in life feels good, certainly uncertainty is one of those things. Hardships can put a lot of pressure and stress on us; on our minds, and on our feet.
No matter what path we choose in life, there will be ups and downs. When you decide to try something new, like travel to a new place, there may be intense feelings of fear and unfamiliarity. Feeling scared and uncomfortable is a normal part of the process while trying a new experience. I recommend feeling those feelings full on; it may help to dissipate them faster than ignoring them would. Life isn’t supposed to be all easy, we aren’t supposed to get it right, right away. We’re meant to try many different things throughout that will simply either feel good, or feel bad. Everything we experience though is meant to teach us a lesson of some sort. I believe the universe is always on our side, if we put in the effort to stay present and learn from the lessons our hardships try to teach us. All those uncomfortable conversations, all those misspoken words, all those times we decided to attempt a new skill and failed, were meant to teach us. I argue, they’re meant to teach us how to better appreciate the beauties and triumphs of life.
Just today, I can think of all the experiences that made my day hard; interactions that didn’t go my way, things I didn’t find time to get done, opportunities I missed because I let my fear win. I can get caught up in hating myself for them, or I can choose a different story. Instead, I can realize that life is meant to have experiences that challenge and make us uncomfortable. We’re supposed to observe these things and grow from them. Without moments like them, without moments of unpleasantness, the pleasant moments would mean nothing. Life isn’t about reaching a point where everything that happens to us feels easy or pleasant, it’s about learning to appreciate and cherish when they do that much more.
No matter where we walk in life, there will be unfamiliar terrain. There will be times that you step on a rock, or walk onto an unsteady surface that may cause you to lose your footing for a moment in time, or many moments. I encourage you though, if you love it like I do, keep walking without shoes. Experience life head-on, no matter the pain it may cause you at times. Being barefoot, or fully present, allows us to truly feel every single part of life.
Walking without shoes won’t always be pleasant; but when the harsh terrain is crossed and you step onto that welcoming sand for the first time and feel that cooling, relaxing sensation of your toes gripping into the softness of the Earth, you will be reminded why you came this far. You are all of the experiences you have ever had. Each one has brought you closer to being able to enjoy moments of bliss. Keep working to savor those moments on each walk you take.
I know that my struggle to find my next chapter is normal. I’m not worried about a timeframe or needing to know in this exact moment. I know that if I do the work to stay present and try to enjoy the moments of beauty in each day, my purpose will reveal itself when the time is right. I will continue to look back on instances in my life where I have felt uncertain and unsure, and see that I always ended up figuring it out in the end. No matter how painful not knowing can be, I will appreciate knowing that much more when I finally do.
